Who would've told us that the crisis would get so harsh that they'd start hiring sighthounds at supermarkets.

I'm not giving up on formal education yet, but I wanted to find some alternatives and my mother suggested I start doing small temporary jobs, so I signed up on the jobseeking list of my region today. They'll contact an organization that will guide me through the process of finding a job that fits my needs as an autistic person. I feel like I'm at some sort of turning point of my life now that I'm given the opportunity to do something else and start finding my way through the adult world but I'm also a bit scared, part of me doesn't feel ready to start working now, I don't feel independent enough. But what matters is starting, trying things out. They'll call me when the whole thing is ready and I can start seeking jobs or formation. They said it's likely I can find a job at a supermarket which does seem nice so I'm eagerly awaiting for them to call me.

My future is really uncertain right now. I want to give this school a chance but it's really hard, not because the studies are hard but because of other factors that should normally be insignificant but really affect me a lot, such as how far it is from home, how "urban" the building is, how BIG the school is, how many people, bad people are in it,,

I'm pondering to just do something else than bachiller but I'm really lost. I want to be independent but at the same time I feel like a child every time I'm exposed to the outside world. I wish I could just start working by drawing commissions, but the idea of talking to my family about the fact that I already am doing commissions online terrifies me,, they don't know I have social media and I want it to stay this way. I wish I could actually earn the money that I make but I'm better off waiting until I can have my own paypal account.

I've been looking through the other alternatives to formal education but I have a feeling that no matter what I do I'm just useless at everything. Literally all I have to do in this school is wake up, take the bus, stay 6 hours and leave, I'm literally studying the only thing I've ever been good at and I'm FAILING miserably,,because I don't even GO!!! I feel pathetic,,,curse my stupid borz life.

I'm going to sign up for the temporary employment list tomorrow, but I genuinely just don't want to do anything at all. I want to curl into a ball and cry.

It was in my room last night, and the next morning it was gone. I asked my mom about it, and she just said it's "outside" which doesn't help at all. What am I going to say? It's been nearly a whole day. If she did this as an "experiment" to see if I would survive without that device, well, I can,,? But she's taken away the only device I could draw in for god knows how long. I have people waiting for owed to be finished. I'm stressed, not because I can't use my tablet but because I can't work, yet I have to bottle up this feeling because any sign of distress from me will make my mom think that I'm one of those kids that, in her words, "get tachycardia over not being able to use their screens".

Pretty sure she did this because she found me working with my tablet at 11pm last night. I wanted to finish an owed piece and got really carried away working on it. I just wish she wasn't this strict. I'm 16, almost 17, I know what I'm doing, but she's always over-protecting me over anything. I don't know what she's trying to do here.

A few days ago my new doctor put me on a diet. I mean,, it was about time. I've been following it strictly for the past few days, and while I know it's gonna be incredibly beneficial for me in the future, I'm hungrier than I've ever been and it's starting to affect me badly.

I genuinely want to be healthy and this is a good opportunity to start, but the total lack of results at the moment is kind of discouraging me (I'm impatient, I know). In the long run it will get better and better over time, I just have to get over the start.

Finally figured out how to make the entries, so the blog is now ready!

I can ramble about anything, right?